The Hardest question to answer

I use to think the hardest question to answer was “So, when are you two going to start a family” Everyone has their own cute way of avoiding the real answer like;
Practice makes prefect.
We are working on getting it right.
We are leaving it up to God.
All in due time.
Those kinds of answers get people to laugh or change the subject. The question I find the hardest to answer now is “Why did you get divorced?” First of all someone who is ballsie enough to come out and ask isn’t usually willing to except a flip standard subject changing answer. Honesty is the best policy, but I honestly don't know what possessed him to fill. Now that's a lie. I have the parting words, the reasons he from months of therapy together. I just don't like how they sound and seem less valid some how if it takes a third party to probe them out of you. He said it was too stressful trying to keep up with my sexual needs. I wasn't even in my peak back then. Who knew wanting to be close with you partner once a week was asking too much. He said that he could see me being happy with someone else. Of course he could, I'm the glass half full kind of person - making the best of whatever life throws at me, always looking for a reason to be happy. He said, "I know you don't love me or you would have already let me go." What kind of crap is that? I didn't even know he was unhappy with his life, until he moved out. To share any of those reason with someone who asks "why did you get divorced?" It’s too painful, too shameful, empty of real reason and always followed by more questions.
I have to find a way to protect myself from the hurt, and humiliation of being left. If only there where one thing I could say that would deflect all this back on him to some how make me feel better. It is a lie, but it works.
The answer to the hardest question, "Why did you get divorced?"
He decided he is gay.

There are stories to tell, I'm sure there are. About lost children, magical cats and secert worlds. Maybe even a love story, too. I'll talk about how and why i started writing, who have been my biggest supportors. The dreams that have given me story lines. Charators from my life that make way into the stories. What about the small battles in my personal life? Surely that could be something that could be of value? Those that,are facing brain tumors might find hope in my story.
Why can't you see that I have many things of value to offer? Why are you so sure no one will want to hear what I have to say?
when you're gone, unable to control my every move, beat me down, tell me I'm dumb. I will stand up and tell about you. Your crazy twisted vie of what marriage is, that love is controling and that if its not you way then its wrong. In the end it will be because of you that I cling to this dream so hard.
so maybe, I wont be famos. That's ok. But I want to be heard, not by just you. By aanyone that,might take a chance that what I have to say matters. It will set me free.

It amazes to me the number of people that want to complain about stuff instead of fix the the problem. I work with a bunch that complain a lot of the time, but when you ask them how they would make it better they shut down and become unable to think of anything except what has made them upset. Supose its the cant see forest for the trees thing. The other thing my co-workers do is they complain about having to do all the work themselves. When you offer to help out or try to help out they, they say they dont need my help. So why complain about having to do it all if you wont let anyone help? I just dont get that. I'm sure that every work place has people like this I just dont understand why we cant all just be Adults and do what it takes to get the job done? But then again what would I have to complain about if everyone did that? (Tee hee hee) i think i should really consider the self employment idea. Then i could choose who works with me, and not have to deal with a bunch of complainers.

So I think that I have got the moble blogging thing figured out. Its really offical now - the low tech has gone high tech and living by the cell phone. Or at least it is now my concection to the web, posting blog, social net working and what ever else i can find to do with it. So i guess this means for.my friends less random texts about what is going on in my world. Those that have recieved a text at midnight are now thankful for high tech gaggets.

Did you ever have one of those days where from the time you get up in the morning all you can do is sing, dance, smile and laugh? Yesterday was one of those days for me. I had to work one of my many jobs in morning. It was crazy busy and the customers were grating, but I found myself sing and dancing all over the store. I couldn't help myself. Normally, at the end of my shift I am tired and want to spend some quality time on the sofa or a nap. Not yesterday though. I went home started some laundry, changed my clothes and went to a car show with a friend. There were so many beautiful cars there!! Met some guys. Talked with the Camero club members. I think that I will be joining them. I am so jazzed to do more work on my car now. I had dinner with friends and then went cruising in a pack of cobras. I am not a ford girl but after my ride last night I could be converted. (Hope my Chevy friends aren't reading this.) It was just a great day. I stayed up way too late and really didn't want to leave then but seeing as I had to work this morning before the but crack of dawn, I had to get a little rest before this 10 hour shift. I should be dragging this morning, but I'm not. Natural high doesn't even begin to cover it. Maybe it is because I had such an awesome week. My team at work set a record and first this week. I became senior person in my position which comes with a few perks. The man that has had me wheeling, has finally lost some control over me. Or maybe its that I have regained my control of self. Either way, I feel very empowered. I can't say enough good things about how I feel and how yesterday was for me. I love how it makes me feel just thinking about it. I want to know how to make it happen for me like that on regular bases. It may be one of the mystery, but at least I can say I had that one day and it was totally awesome. Thanks to all that were a part of it and thanks be to all that went into making it happen for me.