grow up

I don't know why it surprises me that there are people in the world that don't want to grow up. I'm not talking about those that are a kid at heart. It's those that are too cowardly, to own up to their actions or feelings or mistakes, that go around lying to people. You know life is too short for this crap. If for some reason you no longer find my friendship appealing, then be up front and honest. That way we both can move on. Its just flat out mean to tell someone to their face you are friends but the truth is you don't want to be their friend. And people wonder why I have stopped making friends. Really, at my age I shouldn't have to deal with people like this. You expect some of it in junior high and high school, but twenty years later you should be done with it. Even knowing the reasoning wont help me to understand. I am trying to be more Christ like, and it's hard. Walk a mile in the other guys shoes, right? So, what would make me want to tell someone we are friends to their face, but not really mean it? I came up with two things, one they have something I need, and the only way to get is thru them, or they are appear so fragile that they could not handle the truth. I don't think I have anything people want, I must appear fragile. Maybe I am. No one likes rejections, but it is better then being lied to. Every time I find that some one has lied to me I find it harder to trust. My hang up I know. My long time friend, is brutally honest and blunt. It is very hard to take sometimes, but I always know where she stands. Suppose there could be a third option, of just for the fun of destroying someone else. That thought is not appealing to me at all, but there are those that get their kicks from causing others pain.

I need some work yet, I find it hard to start with turning the other check, to let go of the judgement, granting forgiveness. Did I say I needed work? Perhaps it is me that needs to do the growing up.

If God loves the world including the flaws, so should I.

I don't have to like it but I need to find a way to love. Trust and Love go hand and hand.