Island of misfit toys

I feel I really belong on the island of misfit toys. I am broken, damage and no longer in normal working order. My guess is that others might fill this way too. It will take someone very special to be understanding of my faults and that although I look strong, I am fragile. I want to be ok. To be able to let go of this damage, pain and broken heart. It has been suggested to me that in order to move forward in my life I have to release the anger, acknowledge the hurts, damages and even a broken heart, greave the loss and forgive.

I have been stuck so long in the anger stage, it has become my trusted friend. It's an easy feeling to live with, just a little fanning and you get flames. Flames that fuel you to move, to talk about and bill walls so no one can hurt me again. Maybe part of the reason I haven't moved passed the anger, is I would have to admit I was present for all the injustice against me. I let it happen by not objecting to it. Never mind that at the time could not see the injustices and the spin that was put on it was just right. It might be that I'm angry at him for treating me the way he did but also angry with myself for letting it happen.

I hurt so bad already I think acknowledging and feeling the hurt and broken heart might be more than I can take. To look at each of my wounds, how deep he cut me, and how I am letting those scares effect my approach to life and interaction with other people. I have been holding that pain at arms length, I have acted strong because I had to. There was no one that I could truly lean on for strength and support. Once I go down the rabbit hole, How do I get out?

Even if I let go of my anger and acknowledge the hurt, forgiveness is a huge thing. Apparently, I did not truly understand forgiveness. I recently heard that forgive is not for the person who committed the offense but for the person who had the offense committed on. So, the forgiveness I need to seek is from me for me. I have to forgive myself: for choosing the path that lead to so much hurt; for allowing myself to put up with it in the name of love; for believe what he said was the truth. The list goes on and on. How do you start to forgive yourself for the offenses of others? I don't know.

If that's what it takes to feel normal and un-damaged, I don't know that I will reach that state...I guess me and the other misfits will have to find a way to love each other as we are.

The sign that greets new comers to the island...

Welcome Misfits, if you have not been gently used, or treated with care, have flaws or damage beyond repair. Let this island be your new home.