knowing ME

I believe very few people really know me. My Family thinks they know me but they only see the side that shows up to family gatherings. There are things that I just haven't shared with them, like my cousins had no idea that my parents did not pay for my college. It wasn't their business, so I didn't share. Recently, my sister let that slip in an argument she was having with one of them. My parents would have happily paid for college and did at first, but I felt that I need to do it on my own because I was free with their money but not some much with my own. Made me more focused on getting my money's worth and passing classes. It's much easier to waste someone else's money and not feel bad about it. Much hard when you are on the line for the loan payments. There is other stuff too. Like health issues. They know the big stuff, cause you shouldn't withhold the big stuff like brain tumors. But the little stuff like blood pressure, sugar imbalances, and monthly cycles, that can be on a need to know bases. I can't think of one good reason to share with your family the detail of your monthly cycles but I know woman out there that it is a complete must to share with every woman they have contact with during that time of the month for them to tell I have cramps. What ever! Woman everywhere go thru this, get over it. I don't know that any of my extend family has ever asked me about my dreams or fears. I have not gone out of my way to share them either.

I tend not to be a sharer. Although my sister says I can not hide my feelings. They are out there for everyone to see, try as I might not to wear my heart on my sleeve.
I am a private person to a degree. I write my stories, tell about my life, but I don't tell anyone I know that I write under this name or that I have a blog. I'm not sure I want them to know or read my stuff. I might not feel as free to write about them. Not much of my writing is about them but who knows what I will want to write about next.

I wrote a piece of music for a music class I am taking. It's simple and sweet. It was intimidating to be assigned to write a piece for class. I was the only one assigned to write a piece and I preform in front of the class (I wasn't given the options to record it and play a recording for the class). Not that the class was big, it's a very small class. the pressure of playing in front of them alone felt huge. I have sang solo's before but I always had a piano player preforming with me and it has been many years since I have preformed for anyone, (I don't count karaoke cause you don't prepare for that you just have a drink and pick a song you think you know.)