One tough blow

It was a rough weekend. I found out a friend has spent the last 5 months lying to me, lying about me and sharing all my secrets with others. She told our other friends, and her new girlfriend that they were not to tell me she was dating a woman, while still living with her boyfriend, which she usually refers to him as her husband. We call him John. Her reason was that I would tell her boyfriend. John owns the house they live in with her two kids, her mother and her live boyfriend. If I told John she and her whole family would have no where to live. The funny thing is this would not have been the first time for me to know about her cheating on John. In fact, I have been in the room while it was happening. So, her reason for not telling me had to be something else. She told our other friends that was a real slut and would do anyone that would come along. Then she told them that it's not like me to pick up a guy and she was worried about me. They were very confused about the stories. I mean which is it? Anyone anytime or no one ever? Guess I go both ways and did know it. The secret sharing. Everyone has something they don't want the whole world to know like wetting the bed until you were 8, being raped, dumb choices you have made about taking a dare. I am no different. I have not been perfect. I still make poor choices from time to time. But it should be up to me who knows my secrets and when. If you are trusted enough to learn someones secret then you should honor the trust.

I never knew a friend can break you heart harder than a lover. I have been heart sick over this. When I first heard, my lungs burned, and it was hard to breath. The friend that told me, didn't want to tell me but thought it was better for me to know than to be used by her more. I haven't slept well because I just can't wrap my mind around it. What did she have to gain by lying about me and to me? She posted on facebook how she can't stand two faced liars. Hello Pot its the Kettle calling! This was after her girlfriend broke up with her and blocked her calls. I'm not sure who the liars are that she is referring to. One of the things that struck me as odd, she only had two questions for me. "Are we still friends?" my response "I don't know" and "Is it about the money?" my response "Yes and other things"

She did not ask what the other things are and she didn't proclaim that you didn't want to loose me as a friend. I guess that show right where my friendship ranks with her. Unless the other friend told her, she has no idea what was said between us. What money thing, you ask. We went on a curse in March. When we signed up for it she did not have a credit card to use for it, but promised that she would pay me in full before we left. She paid a little over half and then had one reason after another that she didn't have money for me. In the lies she was telling she told our friends that she had paid me all the money I was just trying to get more out of her.

I'm sad that she thought this what she had to do for what ever reason. I'm mad because she was the first really friend that I had made since my divorce. I let her into my life and heart and I paid the price for it. I was granted some peace today. It wasn't anything that happened or anything someone said or even a realization that I cam
to. I just felt clam, at ease, my heart stop aching and a since of peace just washed over me. I like to think that was God sending me some angels with his love. Nice thought, right? His way of reminding me, its ok, everything will be alright. And it will be. This cloud will pass too.